Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Factscinator's avatar

MISSING DNA LABS ☣️

🚨 NOW HIRING! 🚨

Position: Senior DNA Inventor

Have you always wanted a career monetizing pseudoscience? 😱🧬

Do you possess the confidence to identify invisible genetic information without ever having to produce it in a directly observable form? 👨‍🔬📜

Can you transform chemical abuse of biological material, mysterious X-shaped patterns, and computational hoop tricks into "the sacred blueprint of life"? 🌍🚨

If so, your future begins here! 🎉

At Missing DNA Labs, our DNA Inventors proudly continue a tradition of finding certainty where lesser minds might demand evidence. 🏆

Ideal candidates must have a proven track record of:

🐄 Ensuring biological material undergoes enough toxic abuse that nobody can accuse you of examining it in its natural state.

🧪 Dissolving, processing, and otherwise chemically encouraging biological material to reveal the answer you were hoping for.

🧵 Stretching precipitates into carefully aligned fibers because apparently nature forgot how to arrange "DNA" correctly.

☢️ Irradiating the highly processed and prepared fibers with X-rays for approximately 62 hours in pursuit of life's deepest secrets.

📸 Confidently assuring everyone that an X shaped pattern in Photo 51 is basically the same thing as observing "DNA" in vivo.

💻 Converting highly processed laboratory outputs into complete genetic narratives using advanced computational imagination and several metric tons of assumptions.

🔄 Applying circular reasoning with professional precision by using assumptions to validate conclusions generated from assumptions.

🏅 Preferred Skills:

✅ Ability to explain why dissolving, precipitating, stretching, hydrating, irradiating, photographing, interpreting, modelling, and illustrating something is basically the same thing as directly observing it.

✅ Remaining composed when someone points out that the famous picture wasn't actually a picture and the famous helix wasn't actually seen in the picture.

✅ Advanced proficiency in the scientific art of citing studies that cite studies that cite studies until a hypothesis acquires the appearance of eternal truth.

✅ Capacity to look genuinely puzzled when asked where interpretation ends and observation begins.

🌟 Employee Benefits Include:

💰 Unlimited funding for pseudoscience.

📺 Frequent television appearances as an expert on genetic molecules and mechanisms nobody can demonstrate.

🏆 Opportunities to fabricate exciting new "genetic" discoveries whenever public attention begins to wander.

📈 Generous performance bonuses for converting interpretations into certainty.

Remember:

🪬 At Missing DNA Labs, we don't let a lack of direct evidence get in the way of quarterly earnings and your bonuses. 📈💰💷💶💴💵💰

✨ We simply process the evidence until it learns how to cooperate. ✨

☣️😄🧬

Apply today! 🚀😄

Roger's avatar
Jun 5Edited

Another fraud is the Cancer Genome Project, or more precisely the response to it. In the early 2000s they tested 10K DNA samples from cancer cells and found NO correlation between the type of cancer and the gene mutations. Not even in some cells from the same tumor! It disproved the entire Somatic Mutation Theory of Cancer.

Did that stop or even slow the cancer industry that is based on this discredited crap. Not at all. Still making the same claims that cancer is a disease caused by mutations. And using the same useless murderous treatments. They just made their explanations for why it is genetic more complex and obtuse. Rube Goldberg would be jealous.

86 more comments...

No posts

Ready for more?