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Factscinator's avatar

📺 [Cue ominous dramatic news jingle with static interference]

Anchor: Good evening, folks. Tonight on Kompromat News, we’ve got a real gem lined up— 🎭🎷🫨 Live from his basement, please welcome the man, the myth, the author of The Truth About Ant Fauci… RFK Jr.!

🎥 [Video feed flickers in like a 90s late-night infomercial]

👤 A burly figure dressed head-to-toe in a black balaclava lurks just behind RFK, gripping what appears to be the Kennedy family jewels…

Anchor: Uh… Mr. Kennedy? Everything alright back there?

RFK Jr.: (strained) F-Fine. Just peachy. 😬

Anchor: And the… gentleman in black?

RFK Jr.: Oh, that’s just a Deep State operative. Totally routine stuff.

Anchor: He seems to be fiddling with your… toolbox?

RFK Jr.: Yep. Classic intimidation tactic — nuts in a vice, slowly turning the handle.

Anchor: Charming. And what’s the threat this time?

RFK Jr.: They say if I don’t go full HARMA shill and hawk the childhood jab buffet — for viruses that have never been isolated — plus push those sleek little digital wearables to track, trace, and geo-fence every American, they’ll unleash my Epstein Island vacation photos… and crush my nuts.

Anchor: Wait… those photos exist?

👀 [Kennedy pales. Deep State gimp calmly cranks the vice another notch]

RFK Jr.: Aaaaahhh… OK! OK! Fine! Line up the newborns!! Jab ‘em straight outta the womb! Start their downfall immediately. Protect ‘em from viruses that don’t exist but might be lurking somewhere out there!

📅 Don’t miss a single appointment — 206 shots by high school graduation!

🧪 We’re cooking up new ‘viruses‘ weekly by poisoning monkey kidney cells until they bubble like a witch’s cauldron — so the childhood schedule is expanding nicely since I took office!

🎬 [The gimp gives the vice another satisfying twist]

RFK Jr.: OOOF — and don’t forget the wearables! For public HELLth, naturally. 🛰️ Time to track, trace, and geo-fence every American like Bluetooth-enabled cattle!

🎥 [Camera pans to Palantir’s Peter Thiel, grinning and flashing a sly smile and 👍]

🎙️ Hot mic picks up Trump whispering to Thiel:

Trump: "Told ya he’s not as radical as they said."

Anchor (perky): Coming up next: State of Intrusion— from wearables 🧠 to implants 💉 to full-blown transhumanism 🤖 in just three easy steps!

State of Intrusion 📺 − where your every move 🚶‍♂️and every thought 💭 — is our algorithm’s top priority 📡.

csofand's avatar

Well done Sasha. I admire your detective work on the financials. Follow the money is cliche, but usually productive.

.

These guys do like to flaunt it too, that detail about the address is telling. Thanks for your tireless efforts.

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