Journalissimus Maximus

New! DD&A Satire Weekend Edition - alpha version, please excuse our digital nanodust

Letters from the 5th Gen Warfront - how to spot an information campaign.

This stack is growing fast - thank you my dear subscribers. I love you all, even and especially the “PREP Act covered information campaign planners” for whom reading me is a job and paying me is a reimbursable expense! Thanks to you, this stack is now #10 on Substack Leaderboard in Science category. Congrats to Meryl Nass at #8!

We live in special times, when mentally ill men become first female admirals and win women’s swimming championships. Same happens on Substack. The #1 stack in the category of Science is of course a government fake front YLE, where you have to pay to write a gushing comment under Pfizer and Moderna advertisements in English and Spanish, which you can otherwise get for free pouring literally from every media orifice. The way to tell - a stack with 10,000+ paid subs (!!!) generates a handful of comments, all profoundly dumb, kissing the government’s ass. I absolutely 100% believe that 10,000+ real humans pay real dollars solely in order to write comments on a newsletter that is in free access and contains pure bullshit from CDC, which you can also obtain directly from the CDC’s website. I of course believe every word of Substack editorial about the random mom Katelyn Jetelina who “made it big” on Substack. I admire female entrepreneurs, especially those employed by CDC and funded by the federal government “countermeasures” unlimited budgets which cover not only chemical poisons, but very importantly - the informational ones.

The reason I am spending so much time rubbing this into Substack corp’s faces is because I know that they know. I also know that this is not illegal, and that they take the covid blood money from the feds/spook agencies to prop up storefronts of “mega influencers” of the government narrative by generating gazillion fake social media accounts (check out service offerings from Groupsense.io) and laundering DOD covid money through them at $8/pop. In fact, we all benefit from this, as it makes Substack look like a larger business and grow faster than it would do without the Intelligence Ops. We get upgraded features at the CIA expense and get to shitpost at them right here - what’s not to love?

The intro and background took a little longer than I planned, but it is an important backdrop to my main story, which is purely an entertainment piece with a heartwarming and positive message, inspired by true events. Behold.

A few days ago a ran into a miracle of wit, intelligence and investigative skills - the Journalissimus Maximus. He goes by various names, all mysterious and shaken not stirred if you know what I mean. Wink. Another wink. Greg Webbs, aka Grigorios Webbsopoulos, aka Grisha Webbsterskiy, aka Goga Webbonishvili, aka Gershon Webbsberger to name a few aliases. He is a prominent figure in the “fweedom” movement, has a powerful online presence of nearly 100K followers and receives enthusiastic engagement on his posts of 2-4 comments and likes each. Sometimes it is even 10 likes! He loves doing X spaces, and Rumble sessions with a member of the British royal family (I forget if it’s York or Edinborough? Nevermind). He is a true hard-hitting journalismo: he flies to hot locations all over the country, stands in front of office buildings and parking lots and bravely records selfie videos from right where it happens. I have never seen him interviewing anyone on any topic though. Some really big experts and influencers take him seriously.

He is a vaccine injured, too (for which I am very sympathetic). He took it in order to travel to the outside of office buildings and parking lots, and for the sake of humanity. Was vaccination ever really required for travel? No, of course not. Goga’s investigation skills did not quite enable him to figure that one out in time. Also, he is the ladies man! Loyal sidekicks include low-status-girlfriend-Kate, warrior-paint-Connie, Frau-Bubblegum, pedoLiz and Trisha-USA, all faithful attack dogs at agent W’s beck and call. He must have taken classes on masculine charm from the Tate bros.

The great Journalissimo Investigatore blew my cover, folks. He found out that I worked in pharma R&D and also with Pfizer for many years, and in cardiovascular safety trials (which is deep and dark place y’all) - those are all facts I was desperate to conceal by listing them on my LinkedIn profile and in nearly every interview. Gigi-W’s special skill is finding newspapers from years ago that say same things that people state in their bios online:

4 likes!!! 2 reposts!! Yes, this is a typical engagement of someone with 93K absolutely legitimate human followers.

In one of his X spaces Gregory stated I was a “Ukrainian scientist working at the University of Rochester”. When asked politely to correct his statements as I am not a scientist and I never worked at the UR, Gosha went into a tailspin like there was no tomorrow! He bravely wrote about the tunnel I built to Poland to transplant hearts (?), he created a fake check for $7 million and posted it online (is that wire fraud? idk), accused me of being funded by DHS, selling “all Celebrex patients” data (whatever that means), implied I am connected to Aspen Institute and Dick Cheney and many other hilarious things, which were all breathlessly repeated by his female posse.

Of course after this bombshell, I had to come clean:

After which, Gogi Dubya became a leetle peevish, and said to his friend, the Baron (Earl?) that he “walked into a buzzsaw” and even called me a beautiful woman. Awww, thank you big G! But, nonetheless undeterred, he continued spinning narratives stating that I had secret access to Pfizer vaccine lot numbers and that was highly suspicious - how did I get privileged access to the secret files? I had to issue a tutorial for dear Ignoramus Maximus:

At that point he started saying this was a brand new feature in VAERS, but even his followers would not have that BS and pointed out that lot numbers were always included there. The Maximus then switched track and went after my daughter, Soph, thinking this is a big reveal. Zhorzhik, dearest, Buzzfeed and ABC, MSNBC, BBC (yes, them too) and the rest of them hard hitting journalismos tried that one long ago! And failed. YouTube sent cops to our house and school, and that also failed. By the way, I learned the swift method of dealing with the investigative jouralismo fungus infection from my daughter, I was not so savvy before. Boy, she sent them packing, and to get this treatment from a 90 lb teenager was a sight to behold! Here is me channeling Soph (Gain-of-Function K9 unit makes a cameo appearance):

Waddaya know, that was a bullseye hit! Gigi dearest admitted he DID go to Epstein’s island, of course for purposes of hard-hitting journalism! We are not accusing him of anything, just asking questions which are in the public interest and for radical transparency:

Grigorio, someone born in 2009 is NOT 19! They are 14 and a minor! But I get it, they don’t teach arithmetic in the school of hard hitting investigative journalism. His “posse” then miraculously and swiftly deleted all posts about Soph, and a universal sign of defeat came up:

That night I cried myself to sleep. The end.

PS. I hope this satirical story was educational and entertaining for you. Grigorio of course is correct that I have a back office, an intelligence op. Duh! Who on earth could do all the things I claim I am doing? So, now I have to list credits. Thank you to the talented writers, comrades Ivanov, Petrov and Absolute Smirnoff, scratch that, this stack is fueled by Finlandia!

Special credits to the talented illustrators comrades Ivan Kramskoi and Ilya Repin.

Art for today: Soph at the NATO exercises. Oil on linen. Not for sale.